Jelly: Already gone
by Austen01
Summary: Set after the May 9th episode. Starts with a small scene after Tilly confronts Ruby outside college and grows from there.
1. Chapter 1

**A small fic set after the May 9th episode, where Esther takes Jen and Tilly's photo. May turn into a longer story**. **  
**

...

"Hey, why don't you come for a coffee with us all later?" Ruby gave Tilly's shoulder a comforting squeeze. They were still perched on the low wall across from the sixth form college main entrance, where they had been since Tilly had confronted Ruby over spreading the rumours about her and Jen.

"Yeah…give everyone a good chance to gawk at me you mean?" Tilly scoffed bitterly. "Thanks, Ruby. But, I don't think so."

Ruby sighed and dropped her hand back into her lap. "I didn't mean it like that, Tilly."

Ruby glanced around at the students milling around them, all not so stealthily trying to catch some part of their conversation. Probably hoping for some extra piece of juicy information they could run off and tell everyone about. She slid a little closer to Tilly in an effort to keep their privacy and lowered her voice. "I just meant...that maybe the best thing to do, is show people that you don't care what they think."

"It doesn't matter if _I_ care or not." Tilly said, rubbing her neck wearily and staring off into the distance. "Just the fact that they _are _talking about it means..." Tilly caught herself, letting the sentence trail away before she let something slip. She didn't feel fully in control at the moment, and the last thing she needed was to add more fuel to the already rampant rumours.

Ruby was confused. "Means what?" She asked, leaning forward to try and catch Tilly's eye.

'_That she's done with me.'_ Tilly thought dejectedly. _'That everything we have shared, every touch, every lingering glance, this tentative thing we had been building, means nothing now.' _

"Never mind..." She said out loud, shaking her head. "Doesn't matter."

Tilly stood up. "Look...could you tell Maddie that I've gone home and ask her to grab my bag for me, please?"

"You're leaving?" Ruby asked, surprised. Tilly voluntarily leaving before the end of school was like...was like...well, Ruby didn't know what to compare it to, it had never happened before. She was pretty sure that people would notice her absence. God knows, Maddie certainly would.

_Bloody hell, Esther_!' Ruby cursed the small blonde for ever bringing up the subject in the first place. Today was supposed to be the start of something new for Ruby, a place to build from. The last thing she needed was Queen Bee Maddie furious with her for upsetting her best friend so much that Tilly had to go home. '_Well, that's just fucking great!' _

"Honestly, Tilly. This will all have blown over by tomorrow." Ruby said breezily, in a last ditch attempt to persuade the red head back inside. It wasn't just about fearing the wrath of Maddie. Ruby did genuinely feel bad for Tilly. It was hard not to. The poor girl looked like her puppy had died. '_Actually_,' Ruby contemplated, wincing as Tilly absently scuffed her perfectly shined shoes across the concrete. 'S_he looks like _every_ puppy in the world has died...twice._'

"Yeah, right." Tilly laughed in disbelief as she started to walk away. "I'll see you later, Ruby."

"Wait…what about college?" Ruby called out, rising to her feet. "The open day isn't finished."

"Yeah it is." Tilly glanced over at the building just in time to see Jen turn away from one of the ground floor windows. A fresh wave of hurt and embarrassment at the earlier rejection washed over her, and she wrapped her arms protectively across her stomach in a vain attempt to ward off the pain.

"It's over." Tilly whispered, lowering her head and walking numbly away from college, oblivious to Ruby's concerned gaze.

Inside the building, Jen pulled back from the glass once more, unable to watch as Tilly walked away.

The End?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"We can still be friends?" Tilly hated how pleading her voice sounded, but she couldn't help herself, she had to ask.

"When things have calmed down a bit...maybe."

"I'm sorry." Jen turned away.

Tilly slumped back against the hard wooden bench and stared at the floor, unable to watch as Jen walked away up the steps.

'_Why do I keep doing this to myself?'_ Tilly cursed bitterly. '_All she ever does is push me away, and I keep coming back_ _for more.'_

...

*Two weeks later*

...

'_Another one down...only one more to go._'Tilly sighed in relief as she tugged open the door leading from the exam room. Part of her felt sorry for the rest of her classmates still struggling away in the small airless room, and yet another, and she liked to think saner part, couldn't wait for the freedom lying on the other side of the door. She pulled the door closed lightly behind her, in deference to the many, "QUIET, EXAM IN PROGRESS! signs that were hung at regular intervals up and down the corridor, and headed off to find Maddie.

Tilly knew that the blonde would probably have some plan to celebrate another exam day biting the dust, and if she was honest, Tilly could really do with having a good time. Just letting go and blowing off some steam. In the days following that last fateful encounter with Jen she had thrown herself into her studying. As far as Tilly was concerned there is nothing like Geometric progressions to take your mind off a heartbreak.

Well, it hadn't really worked. But, for a second there she could pretend that it had. Pretend that she hadn't sat on her bed countless times, surrounded by textbooks, with her phone in her hand ready to call Jen.

Tilly's mind was still back in her room as she turned the corner. And walked solidly into another body.

"I'm so sorry. It was my fault..." Tilly bent down swiftly to halt the progress of her exam notes before they drifted off down the hallway, never once looking up. It occurred to her as she grasped at the wayward pages that she didn't really need them any more, she had just finished the exam, but she was nothing if not conscientious.

Tilly scrambled around turning her attention to picking up all the scattered books. "...I wasn't looking where I was go..." She continued to apologise, the last word trailing away into nothing as she finally spared a glance at the person she had barrelled into.

The one person she wasn't prepared for.

'_Oh fuck_!'

"We've got to stop meeting like this." Jen smiled at her softly, referring to the last time they had collided in the hallway.

It seemed so long ago now, back at the beginning of things, back when Tilly still had hope for their relationship. She hadn't been able to deny the surge of electricity that had gone through her when their hands had touched over the books, hadn't wanted to really, and when she had looked up into Jen's eyes she had known that she felt the same.

What a difference a few weeks made.

Oh sure, the feelings were still there. More than ever probably, since Tilly wasn't at all sure that her legs would hold her if she stood up right now. But, in addition there was also a healthy serving of anger and regret that coloured Tilly's emotions. Two things that Tilly hadn't even been aware she had been holding onto until that moment.

Tilly still hadn't moved from her position on the floor and Jen didn't seem inclined to stand either, so they stayed kneeling a few feet away from each other, frozen in place.

"Um...here." Tilly thrust one of the books she was still holding at Jen, wincing inwardly at the awkwardness of the gesture. She stood quickly, sending up a quick prayer that she didn't fall straight back down on her arse, and started hastily stuffing her papers back into her bag.

Jen rose slowly. Her actions much smoother. It was one of the things that Tilly found most attractive, how effortless and graceful it was, the way Jen moved. Tilly pinched the bridge of her nose, and willed her thoughts in another direction.

"How did it go?" Jen broke the silence, tilting her head back the way Tilly had come, clearly indicating the exam.

"Fine." Tilly murmured, hitching her bag further onto her shoulder.

'_Where's a fire alarm when you need it_?' Tilly almost laughed out loud at the absurd thought. She had already had more than her fair share of fire safety for one lifetime as it was.

"It was fine." She repeated when she couldn't think of anything else to add to the statement.

"Just fine?" Jen's lips quirked into that half grin that never failed to make Tilly's knees weak. "That sounds ominous."

Tilly was a little bit pissed off by the fact that Jen's smiles still had such an affect on her. She was more than a little off balance from seeing Jen again so suddenly, and dammit she was getting to be well and truly fucked off about the whole situation really!

"Ok then." Tilly plastered on a false smile and gushed sarcastically. "Oh my God! It was the best exam ever in the history of exams." The fake smile twisted bitterly. "Is that better for you?"

"Tilly." Jen warned pointedly, her eyes darting swiftly around the deserted corridor looking for potential witnesses to the scene.

Tilly sighed and threw up her hands. "What do you _want_ from me?" She asked frustratedly.

"I thought you said you wanted us to be friends?" Jen lowered her eyes and begin twisting her fingers together, a gesture that let Tilly know Jen wasn't as unaffected by all of this as she might have seemed.

"In the last two weeks you haven't even looked at me." Tilly whispered, taking a step closer. She wasn't sure she trusted her voice not to break. "Not once."

"But, today _you_ decide that we can be friends again?" Tilly gave a hollow laugh. "It's always about what you want isn't it, Jen? Your rules." Tilly moved to step around Jen and walk away, but she stilled suddenly, unable to resist one more parting shot. She leant well into Jen's personal space and gave her a disdainful smile. "Sorry...that's _Miss Gilmore_, isn't it?"

Tilly stalked away down the corridor, trusting that her mounting indignation would be enough to get out of Jen's sight before her knees buckled beneath her.

...

Maddie was leaning against the wall just outside the entrance waiting, one foot pulled up and braced against the brick when Tilly burst out of the doors like she was being chased. Maddie used her foot to push away from the wall and bounce into step alongside the red head. She could so sympathise. Her last exam had been a total bitch! She couldn't wait to get out of there either.

"So, how was it for you?" She asked in a sing song voice.

"Huh?" Tilly asked distractedly. She wanted to keep moving away from the building and barely even registered the blondes presense beside her.

"Duh! The exam? How was it?" Maddie twirled a piece of hair around her finger as they walked, checking the strands for any imperfections. It took her a few moments to realise that Tilly hadn't answered. "Tills!" She tugged on the red heads arm and swung her around to face her.

"Oh...er.." Tilly tried to think of something to say. Something that didn't involve blurting the whole sorry mess out in the courtyard. Her heart was beating so fast, her hands still shaking from her unsettling encounter with Jen.

'_Get a grip, Evans_!' Maddie wasn't stupid, if she didn't get it together she would start asking questions.

"It was difficult, not quite what I expected." She began weakly, hoping that Maddie would put it down to exam jitters. Tilly shook her head. "I didn't think I would be so angry."

Once again, the thought surprised her. She had known that she had been miserable these past couple of weeks, God knows she had enough empty Ben & Jerry's cartons to prove it, but angry? That one had snuck up on her. But now she couldn't deny it was a large part of how she felt.

"Yeah well..." Maddie shrugged, not seeming to notice anything unusual. "Maths does that to people." She added sagely.

Hysterical laughter threatened to bubble up out of Tilly's lips at the madness of the whole situation. So much so, that she had to cover her mouth as she nodded along with Maddie's direct assessment. She probably wouldn't be the first person to break down into maniacal giggles during exam week, but people would be bound to notice the miserable sobbing that would closely follow it. Best not to risk it.

"Sooooo...Ive got some news." Maddie set off walking again, clearly expecting Tilly to follow. "I've got one word for you, Tills. One word that's gonna turn that frown upside down, baby." Maddie grinned widely and reached a hand up to tug gently at the side of Tilly's mouth.

Tilly brushed the offending object away and laughed in spite of herself. You could say what you wanted about Maddie Morrison, and round here a lot of people did, but she made Tilly smile when she needed it most, and you couldn't really ask for more from a best friend, could you?

Tilly turned her attention back to Maddie who seemed to be winding up her monologue. "One word that is gonna rock...your...world." She stretched each word out for extra flair.

"This seems to be way more than one word, Mads." Tilly pointed out logically.

At Maddie's glare Tilly held up her hands in surrender, playfully miming zipping up her mouth and throwing away the key. "Mmmph mmm mmm."

Maddie flicked her hair over her shoulder and sighed wearily. "Anyway, as I was saying..." She paused for maximum dramatic effect, causing Tilly to roll her eyes at her friends antics.

"...Abersoch!" Maddie finally played her winning card.

Tilly's smile froze. "Abersoch?"

"Yeah baby!" Maddie squealed, grabbing hold of Tilly's hands and spinning them both around.

"Oh..I don't know, Mads" Tilly hedged as they came to a stop.

"Oh I do!" Maddie said definitely. "You, me, beer, beach." She ticked off the list on her fingers as if that was all Tilly needed to know.

And Tilly couldn't really argue with it. Hadn't she just been thinking before she literally ran into Jen that she could do with letting off some steam? And wouldn't it be nice not to have to worry about the possibility of seeing Jen every time she stepped out of the house?

"Ok...Abersoch." Tilly nodded, throwing up her hands carelessly.

"Yay!" Maddie threw her arms around Tilly's neck, hugging her tightly. She leaned back and ruffled the top of Tilly's head affectionately. "I knew you would see things my way."

"I usually do, don't I?" Tilly laughed as she tried unsuccessfully to put her hair back in some sort of order.

Now that the initial shock of running into Jen had worn off, Tilly was surprised at how much better she felt. No, nothing had really changed, Jen hadn't miraculously jumped into her arms and declared her undying love for her, but Tilly had survived it. She had looked into Jen's beautiful eyes and she had survived it.

And she had gotten some things off her chest. She was tired of Jen being the only one making all the decisions about when and where they could talk to each other.

So maybe nothing had changed between them, but Tilly had, Tilly had most definitely changed.

She felt a little lighter all of a sudden.

'_Bring on the summer_!' Tilly thought hopefully as she linked her arm through Maddie's and set off for home.

Who knows what it might hold?


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is written from Tilly's point of view. **

**Chapter 3**

"Tills!"

I spun around at the sound of my name and peered through the open boot, trying to locate Maddie through the masses of luggage shoved haphazardly into the back of Bart's car.

The top of a blonde head appeared briefly over the mountain of beer crates and suitcases as Maddie tried to find a big enough gap to see me through. I walked around to the side of the car and opened the back door, unable to fully hold in a laugh at the site of my best friend partially enveloped by a mound of bags, magazines and the back end of an already blown up lilo.

"Jeez...overpack much, Maddie?" I grinned at my friend as I slipped into the seat beside her.

"What?" Maddie surveyed the pile nonchalantly. "This is just the essentials."

"Yeah well, these..." I picked up two shoulder bags, seemingly full to the brim with bathroom products, that had somehow found their way onto my side and dumped them back on Maddie's knee. "...are _essentially_ staying on your side. Got me?"

Maddie simply rolled her eyes at me and smoothly transferred the bags onto the front passenger seat with a smirk. I shook my head. Let her and Sinead fight that one out between themselves.

"What are we waiting for?" Maddie swivelled her head around, trying unsuccessfully to see what was happening outside the car.

"Load bearing tangents." I told her plainly, as if it was perfectly obvious.

Maddie looked distinctly unimpressed. "_What_?"

"The guys are trying to fit more beer in. So, I was just explaining to them that given the weight already in the boot, plus the four of us, plus your '_essentials_'..." I used my fingers to make exaggerated quotation marks, mostly because I knew it irritated Maddie so much, and partly because I knew that trapped underneath all of her things as she was, there wasn't a whole lot she could do about it. I smirked triumphantly as Maddie growled at me and made halfhearted grab for my hands. "Ah ah..play nice." I pulled my hands back to a safe distance.

I jerked my thumb towards the back of the car. "Anyway...it's not going to happen."

"They know we can buy beer there, right?" Maddie narrowed her eyes at Bart and Jonno's apparent stupidity.

"I did mention that."

"And what genius answer did they provide?" Maddie asked, somewhat reluctantly.

"That it'll take too long."

"It will take too long." Maddie repeated incredulously before letting her head fall onto the window at the side with a definite thunk. "Ugh!"

"I know." I nodded in total agreement.

"Jonno isn't even going to be there for another two days." Maddie pointed out. "He's coming on the train with Ruby and Esther...although why _she's_ even allowed to come.."

"Maddie.." I interrupted quickly before she could work up a full head of steam about Esther all over again. "I told you, it's all sorted now."

I didn't elaborate any further, turning to look out of the window and hoping that Maddie would let it drop. I could feel her gaze on the side of my head for a few painfully long seconds but thankfully she didn't press the subject. I would have to make an extra effort to make sure that Maddie didn't go out of her way to make Esther's trip miserable. It was the least I could do, after she had proven to be such a good friend over the photo.

I was broken out of my thoughts as Bart slammed the drivers door shut and settled into his seat. "Okay then, time to get this show on the road!" He clapped his hands together excitedly. "Let's go get my girl."

He switched on the ignition, revving the car loudly at Jonno, who jumped a bit further back onto the curb, before pulling away in the direction of Sinead's house.

I smiled over at Maddie, who grinned widely in return. Only one more obstacle to get over before I could relax for a few weeks. All I had to do now was get away from Sinead's house without seeing Jen, and I was home free.

...

I reluctantly followed Bart up to the front door, throwing another glare over my shoulder at Maddie, who still sat comfortably in the car. Maddie waved at me happily, her semi-buried state her excuse to not help us collect Sinead's stuff from the house.

The door opened before Bart could knock and I released a breath I hadn't realised I had been holding when I caught a glimpse of Sinead, busily arranging her things near the entrance. I hadn't really expected Jen to open the door, but I was relieved all the same.

"Oh...you couldn't just run up to my room and grab those new shoes we bought in town last week could you, Tills?" Sinead called over her shoulder as she set off down the path, arms laden down with even more bags to fit into the overfilled car.

Why did all my friends seem to think we were emigrating? Bart and Jonno had already filled the boot with all the beer that they could, Maddie had what seemed like everything she owned, and now Sinead. I was starting to think maybe I'd under-packed.

I risked a swift peek around the door into the living room, checking to see if the coast was clear. The room was empty, but that didn't mean the rest of the house was equally Jen-free.

"B..But...why can't Bart do it?" I grumbled halfheartedly, knowing it wouldn't get me anywhere. I could hear the whine in my voice, but I couldn't help it, I didn't want to spend any more time than I had to at the house.

"Oh yeah...like that would work!" Sinead scoffed. "If I sent him looking for kitten heels he'd come back with a cat!"

"Go on, Tills, please? You know what they look like." Sinead pouted.

I tried to come up with a valid argument against that point, but came up empty. "Fair point." I waved my hand at her and headed in to get the shoes.

"Find the shoes, get the shoes, get out!" I repeated the mantra several times under my breath as I took the stairs two at a time.

The landing was clear, so I skipped across to Sinead's room and let myself in.

"Whoa!" I muttered under my breath. "Diane will go mental when she sees this."

Mess covered every available surface of Sinead's room.

"Come on, Tilly. It's not rocket science, they've got to be here." I lifted up several pieces of clothing that been thrown haphazardly around the floor in what must have been Sinead's idea of packing.

"Aha ha!" I found the shoes under some pajama bottoms.

The door clicked softly as someone else entered the room and I turned slowly to see Jen stood nervously inside the doorway.

I glanced frantically around the room, the scan merely confirming what I already knew. I was trapped. My gaze lingered briefly on the small window, wondering exactly how high up we were, before dismissing the stupid thought.

Jen frowned, having seen my eyes resting on the window a few seconds too long. "That bad, huh?" She asked, her voice strained as she motioned toward my escape route.

I crossed my arms and shrugged warily. I hadn't seriously considered clambering out of the window to get away from Jen, not for a second, it had just been a silly little thought. But, I wasn't about to admit that to her. Let her think I'd rather jump from a second storey window than talk to her.

I winced, immediately regretting the petty direction my thoughts had taken. I was still a mess of emotions where Jen was concerned it seemed. Part of me was still so angry, and that part wanted to be anywhere but in this room right now, but the other part of me was so happy to see her that my chest ached just to look at her.

"Wouldn't be the first time I'd got myself into trouble hiding from you, would it?" I gave her a small smile, hoping that the joke would break the tension a little.

It seemed to work. "No, that's true." She laughingly admitted, stepping a little further into the room.

"So...I hear you're going away for a few weeks?" Jen asked, still looking uncertain.

"Yeah. Abersoch." I answered distractedly, wondering if she had really cornered me in a room to make small talk about my holiday plans.

"Diane was filling me in last night. Sounds like you had a pretty wild time there last year." Jen inched a little further into the room.

'_Ok, maybe she did corner me to talk about my holiday plans._' I didn't have time for this.

"Yeah, look...everyone will be waiting for me, so.." I held up the shoes that's were dangling from the end of my fingers, like they were a free pass out of the room.

"Tilly." Jen reached out as I went to step around her, her hand stopping just short of touching my arm. "I really just...I wanted to apologise for the other day."

I glanced down at her hand, still suspended in mid-air between us. I'd missed her hands. She had been right, outside the hospital that day, hands are so expressive. Jen's hands always told me more about how she was feeling than her words ever did.

Jen's gaze had followed mine to her outstretched hand, and she looked almost startled to find that she was reaching out for me. She pulled her hand back suddenly, clenching it into a fist at her side.

"You were right. I had been avoiding you." Jen said quietly. "But not for the reason you think. It wasn't about the rumours, or that I didn't want to be seen with you. You had exams, Tilly, and I didn't want to mess with your head by playing go away, come here." At my raised eyebrow she added hurriedly, "...any more than I already had."

"Ok." I nodded, accepting her explanation.

Jen looked as if she had something more to say, but thought better of it.

"Anyway...I just wanted you to know that I was sorry." She repeated, and then turned to leave.

"I'll tell you what I know, Jen..." I called out, waiting until she turned around before I continued. "I know that you're afraid."

Jen looked surprised, but recovered quickly. "Maybe I am." She admitted with a shrug, vaguely motioning back and forth between the two of us. "Of making a mistake."

"No...of how you feel." I ducked my head to fully catch Jen's eye. "We both know what happened on that beach when we kissed, Jen. We both felt it. Fighting it won't make it go away."

"Tilly. I could lose my job."

The tight control I had been keeping on my temper finally snapped. "I know that! You seem to have this weird idea that I'm oblivious to the consequences of me and you, Jen...but I'm not!"

"You are so stuck on just blindly pushing me away all the time, which, by the way...is right up there with sticking your fingers in your ears and singing _'La la laaa'_, in terms of maturity, that you didn't even stop to consider..."

I jabbed my hand towards her, forgetting for a moment that I still held Sinead's shoes. The heels clacked together with the force of the move, making it sound like I had some castanet's on my fingers

I stilled them with my other hand. "You...you didn't even stop to consider that I would wait for you." I said the words quietly, my anger all but gone.

"Oh Tilly." Jen closed her eyes, and brought her hand up to her mouth. "Of _course_ I considered it." She whispered intensely.

Jen dropped her hand and retreated back in front of the desk. "But, it would be unfair and I would never ask that of you.."

"You're not asking..." I moved to follow her.

Jen held up her hand. "Tilly, please..."

I stilled, wanting to give her the space she needed.

Jen restlessly ran her hands over some of the objects on Sinead's desk, as she seemed to be getting her thoughts in order. "At some point, you are going to meet some girl..." She began after a minute or so.

"I don't want _some_ girl!" I crossed my arms across my chest.

'_Oh, way to show her how cool and sophisticated you are Till's.'_ You might as well have stuck your tongue out and stamped your foot too, give her the whole spoiled brat package.

Jen looked up from the desk and smiled at me affectionately. "And she's going to see how amazing...and smart...and funny you are. And she's going to want to ask you out."

"As much as I would hate that," Jen rolled her eyes self-consciously, gently returning the snow globe she had in her hand to the exact spot it had come from. "And believe me...I would really, _really_ hate it."

The second 'really' made me smile. Sometimes it was enough to know that I affected Jen as much as she did me.

"I don't have the right to ask you to give that up." Jen watched me intently, waiting for my reaction.

"Shouldn't I get an opinion about all this?" I asked.

"Maybe. In a perfect world." Jen smiled wearily, and I took a moment to really look at her. She looked pale and tired, the dark circles standing out under her eyes. I felt guilty that I hadn't really considered how Jen had been feeling over the past few weeks, I'd been to wrapped up in my own misery to fully grasp that she would have been going through the same thing.

I considered her argument. I could see where she was coming from, I supposed. I might even feel the same way in her shoes. But I wasn't her shoes...I was in mine. And my shoes were having none of it.

I could stand here an argue about what was best for us until I was blue in the face, it wouldn't make any difference. Jen had obviously made up her mind for the moment.

Didn't mean I agreed with her, and I made no promises not to try and change her mind. And when I got back from Abersoch, that was exactly what I was going to do. I could already see a plan forming in my head.

"Then I guess there's nothing left to say, is there?" I told Jen.

Jen smiled sadly. "No."

'_For now_.' I added internally.

I crossed the remaining distance between us and leaned in, softly pressing my lips against her cheek and lingering for a few seconds as I felt her hand ghost across the side of my face. "Bye, Jen."

Jen gave me a shaky smile. "Bye, Tilly." She whispered.

My footsteps only faltered a few times as I made my way back out to the car. I thought about turning around, storming back up to the room to grab Jen and shake some sense into her right now. That or kiss her senseless. But, I just kept walking.

There would be plenty of time to get her to come around to my way of thinking. Jen had no idea what I could do when I set my mind to it.

...

I passed the shoes over to Sinead in the front as I climbed into the car.

"Where have you been?" Maddie asked peevishly, closing the magazine on her lap.

I shrugged, not really in the mood to placate her. "Have you seen the state of her room? Took me ages to find them." I clicked in my seat belt and gazed out of the window.

Bart started the car. "We all ready then?"

I gave the house one last look. "Yep...let's go."


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is written from Jen's point of view.**

**Chapter 4**

I ran my finger around the rim of my coffee cup and watched the clock as it ticked by slower than ever. It had been just over four hours since Tilly had left for Abersoch.

No wait. Make that four hours, six minutes and twenty six seconds...twenty seven...twenty eight.

'_Hmphh!'_ I chuckled to myself. Not that I had been counting or anything.

"Hiya!" Diane bustled into the house, hands laden down with bags of shopping. "No, no you stay there love. I've got this." She cut in quickly when she saw I was about to rise from my chair to help her.

"Did Sinead and the gang get away ok this morning?" Diane asked over her shoulder as she began unpacking the carrier bags.

"Yeah. They're gone." I answered half-heartedly, unable to muster up too much enthusiasm about Tilly leaving.

I forced a smile when I could feel Diane's gaze upon me from across the room. It felt like I'd been doing that a lot lately. Faking my smile. The last time it had been genuine, a real one from the heart, had been the morning of the open day, in the art room...with Tilly.

Tilly.

The mere thought of her stole any trace of a smile from my lips, fake or not, and I dropped my head to hide its loss from Diane.

We fell silent for a few minutes, the intermittent rustling of the carrier bags the only sound in the room.

"Are you ok?" Diane stopped next to my chair and handed me a fresh cup of coffee, clearing away the cold one from in front of me before she crossed back to the sink.

"Thanks. Yeah...I'm fine." I wrapped my hands around the warm cup. "Why do you ask?"

Diane glanced down at the abandoned drink in her hand with a rueful smile. "You just seem...distracted lately, that's all."

"Oh." I couldn't argue with her. But I also couldn't tell her the real reason I had been such a miserable cow lately either, so I shrugged, and mumbled vaguely, "Umm no, I'm fine. It's just been really hectic...with the exams and everything."

"Yeah, it can be." Diane looked sympathetic. "Well look, if you ever need to talk about anything...you know where I am, yeah?"

"Thanks, Diane." I nodded, wondering how long that offer of friendship would last if she ever learned the truth about me and Tilly. Probably about as long as it took her to throw me out of the house I reckoned.

The thought saddened me immensely, I couldn't deny that I had come to enjoy staying here. Even with Sinead's bathroom hogging tendencies.

"I'm going to take this up to my room." I raised my cup and stood up from the table. I really wasn't in the mood for company anyway. I trudged slowly up the stairs, maybe it was time to get the laptop out and start looking for a job for next year.

"Oh bloody hell!" Diane exclaimed from the kitchen, causing me to stop in my tracks. "Sinead's left her bag on the side. It's got her purse...and her phone in it."

I walked back down a few steps and poked my head around the corner.

"Honestly, what was the _last_ thing I said to her?" Diane ranted as she searched through her daughters bag. "I might as well talk to meself for all the notice that girl takes."

"I'm sure she's realised by now that it's missing. She might even be on her way back." I tried to reassure her as I walked back downstairs into the kitchen, placing my cup on the counter and leaning back against the side.

"Yeah right." Diane rolled her eyes. "We both know that won't happen. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. She'll be stuck without it." Diane ran her hand through her hair in frustration and I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She had told me a little of what had happened in Abersoch last year, and God knows I knew personally how many hours of begging it had taken for Sinead to get her to say yes to this trip.

"After everything that happened last year, she _swore_ to me that she would stay in touch." Diane sat down heavily in a dining chair, worry straining her voice.

"Well, I'll take it." I offered impulsively. The words were out before I could stop them. But once I'd said them, I found I didn't want to take them back. I told myself that I would be doing this for Diane, that she was my friend, and that I didn't want to see her so upset. And while that was all true, I knew it wasn't the main reason for my sudden urge to head for the seaside.

Tilly was there.

Tilly was there, and this would mean I had a reason to be there too.

It didn't matter what I did, how much I tried to stay away from Tilly, it seemed like we were always being thrown together.

Ok, Ok, maybe this time I was the one doing the throwing, but in my defence, weeks of avoiding Tilly hadn't really changed the situation. I still felt exactly the same way about her as I did before. Only now, I was so bloody miserable from not seeing her that I was grasping at this flimsy excuse to be around her, even if it was just for a few minutes.

It was actually kind of pathetic.

"Aww, Jen. Thanks love, but I can't ask you to do that..."

"You didn't ask, I offered." I pointed out evenly. "And look...I wanted to get away for a few days along the coast anyway. You know...take some photos for a few paintings." The lie slipped out more easily than I liked and I looked away from Diane's anxious face with a blush, unable to hold her gaze.

"It wouldn't be a problem to drop Sinead's bag off while I'm out that way." I shrugged, focusing on my feet and praying I sounded casual.

"Really?" Diane asked hopefully. At my nod she let go of her white knuckled grasp of the bag and blew out a sigh of relief. "Oh Jen, you're a lifesaver."

"Oh no, honestly...it's no big deal." I tried to play it down, feeling terrible for deceiving her.

"Well it is to me." Diane said gratefully, adding to my guilt. For a second I considered taking it back, but I knew that I couldn't. And that deep down I didn't really want to.

I nodded and swiftly picked up my cup, taking a quick sip to save myself from having to speak.

"Anyway, it might do you good to get away for a bit. Let go of all that stress you've been carrying around lately." Diane began repacking Sinead's bag as she spoke. "You never know, you might even meet someone." She lifted her head and gave me a little wink.

My coffee sprayed all over the floor.

...

I scanned the crowd of the packed bar, pushing up onto my toes so that I could get a better look. This was the third place along the beach that I'd tried after finding the house deserted over an hour ago. I told myself that I was searching for Tilly because her red hair might make her easier to spot, but I knew deep down that wasn't the reason. Truth was, my eyes always found her, no matter if there were two people in the room or two hundred. She was the only one I wanted to see.

But did she want to see me?

I didn't have time to explore that question any further as I spotted Tilly casually sitting on the arm of Maddie's chair in the far corner of the room. I watched as Tilly's posture stiffened when her eyes met mine through the throng of people, her brow furrowing in confusion while she automatically started to rise out of her seat.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

I'd told her this morning that I didn't want to stand in her way, and yet, here I was, turning up on her getaway like some kind of weird stalker.

I turned to leave. I would just have to tell Diane that I couldn't find Sinead and hope that she didn't ask too many questions.

"Miss Gilmore!" I heard my name as I reached the doorway, only seconds from escape. Bart pushed his way through the crowd towards me, "What you doin ere, Miss? You lost?" He joked.

"No..." I managed a weak smile as I kept one eye on Tilly getting closer and closer to where we stood. "Here...this is Sinead's. She left it behind." I practically shoved the handbag into Bart's arms as I turned for the door.

"Er..ok. Thanks." Bart called after me but I didn't stop to acknowledge him, running from the bar and down onto the beach in front.

I eventually stopped a little way down the beach after I realised how stupid it was to run, it wasn't like she hadn't already seen me. And if I knew Tilly, she wouldn't be far behind me anyway. I dropped onto the sand and waited for the inevitable.

It was only a few minutes before a shadow fell over me and I glanced up to find Tilly standing over me, looking thoughtful.

I took a second to drink in the sight of her. She wore pair of tight blue shorts and a purple, gauzy vest which showed off the black bikini top underneath and ended just above her belly button. Her sunglasses were pushed up into her hair revealing a few extra freckles across her nose, remnants of a day spent in the sun.

The overall effect was beautiful, and I had to clench my hands into fists to stop myself from reaching out to touch her.

I was so lost in these thoughts that it took me a few seconds to realise she had been talking to me.

"What?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound too stupid.

"I said...what are you doing here, Jen?" Tilly sighed, dropping down to sit close beside me. She pulled her legs up and rested her arms on her knees, flexing her bare feet and digging her toes into the sand.

"I...uh..brought Sinead's bag, she left it behind. Diane...she.. she..." I stammered, suddenly nervous at her proximity. God, this girl affected me. It didn't help that the way she sat made it so that her already short shorts rode up even further, exposing a long toned thigh.

"Yeah yeah." Tilly waved her hand dismissively, interrupting my increasingly wayward thoughts. "But why you? Why did _you_ have to bring it?"

"I was coming up this way anyway." I reached one hand into the bag at my side, feeling for the familiar edges of my camera bag and lifting it out as evidence. Like it somehow proved that I had a legitimate reason to be here, not just because I couldn't stand the thought of not seeing her for two more weeks.

"Really?" Tilly asked with a healthy dose of sarcasm, one adorable eyebrow arching high into her hairline. "Cos you didn't mention that this morning. You know, when you were giving me the brush off..._again_."

'_Okay busted.'_ Trust Tilly to call me on my bullshit.

"You know...you say that you don't want to keep pushing me away and then pulling me back again, but that's exactly what you keep doing." Tilly words had no anger in them, they were just a statement of fact. She stood up and wiped the sand from the back of her legs, her gaze drifting out to the sea. "You'll be heading back now that you've done your good deed for the day then, won't you?"

"Erm...yeah. Probably." I replied, craning my neck up and squinting into the last remnants of suns fading light. "Maybe. I mean, I haven't really decided...yet."

Tilly nodded with a faint smile. "There are plenty of nice views around here." She said, her eyes never leaving the water. "For painting I mean...if you were thinking about sticking around."

"I..." I swallowed at the sudden tightness in my throat. Was she saying that she wanted me to stick around? "I might be. Thinking about it." I answered when I felt sure that my voice wouldn't crack.

"Ok then." Tilly's smile grew larger. "Well, I'd better be getting back before Maddie sends out a search party. Maybe I'll see you around."

Tilly didn't wait for a reply as she turned and made her way back across the sand, leaving me confused.

"Jen!" Tilly called and I looked up to see her swing around. She kept on retreating, walking backwards up the beach with that knowing smirk still firmly in place. "Give me a call if you need a tour guide, yeah?"

I nodded before I even knew I was doing it, the small gesture putting an extra spring in Tilly's step as she turned once more and jogged back up to the bar. I watched her every step of the way, unable to suppress a little grin as she spun around at the door and gave me a little wave.

I shook my head slowly and stared out at the sea. I was left in no doubt that Tilly definitely had the upper hand. It seemed that while I had spent the last few weeks missing her like crazy, and constantly reassuring myself that I had done the right thing, Tilly had decided that she wasn't really going to take no for an answer.

I guess now it came down to who broke first.

Well, it wasn't going to be me that was for sure. I know that I came down here just so that I could see her for a few minutes, and believe me, I know how pathetic that is. But, there were reasons why we couldn't be together...good, solid reasons. Its just that seeing Tilly in that revealing outfit was making it hard for me to remember them right now.

I smoothed my hand over the place where Tilly had sat, letting the grains of sand sift through my fingers.

'_Fuck!'_ I swore at myself in defeat.

It was going to be me, wasn't it?


	5. Chapter 5

**Apologies for the delay in updating, but I really couldn't bring myself to write on holiday. Hopefully this monster update will make up for it a little.**

**Having watched the recent episodes with Jen and Tilly, then banged my head against a wall repeatedly, I've decided that this story might not follow what is happening on the show too much. I might incorporate a few things that seem relevant, but other than that it is now kind of an alternate version. As for the real storyline, I'm just going to have faith that it doesn't get too messed up. Well, have faith...and drink beer! :) Thanks for all the lovely reviews!**

**This chapter is written from Tilly's point of view.**

**Chapter 5**

_'She's here.'_ The thought echoed around my head for what felt like the hundredth time since I'd caught the glimpse of Jen across the bar the night before. _'Jen is here.' _I sighed and rolled onto my back in the bed, frustratedly kicking at the thin sheet that covered me until it bunched up at the bottom of the bed, leaving my legs blissfully free.

It was somewhere around five in the morning I guessed, judging by the pale light that crept around the curtains and the faint sound of the gulls starting up their dawn chorus down on the beach.

It was too hot. Too hot to sleep, and far too hot for the sleepwear I had packed in anticipation of the cooler coastal nights. Thankfully, Maddie had packed enough stuff to clothe an army and had graciously supplied me with her fifth set of nightclothes, which were apparently for 'an emergency'. I pulled absently at the hem of the shorts that declared in a gold sloping script across my backside that I was '_Wild_', as I considered with a wry smile just what kind of emergency Maddie thought would be best faced in tight pink cotton.

The weather had been nice enough for the few days before we got here, it was part of the reason Maddie had suggested the trip in the first place, but the soaring temperatures that had hit Abersoch since we had arrived yesterday had taken us all by surprise. Not that any of us were complaining. Just the opposite in fact. After the summer of near constant rain we had been having, the glorious weather had turned up at just the right time.

'_Turned up with Jen you mean.'_ My mind traitorously supplied and I quickly shrugged off the thought. My heart was already in enough trouble around the woman as it was, I didn't need to start thinking the sun followed her around as well.

"Ugh!" I twisted once again in the bed trying to settle into a comfortable position and distract myself from my thoughts slipping back to Jen. It was a futile effort, I knew that deep down. I had even stooped to lying here thinking about the weather for fucks sake. God, I'd turned into my Gran. If I wasn't careful I'd find myself down at the shops complaining about the price of bloody onions soon. It's a slippery slope.

I couldn't stop my mind from returning to Jen, no matter what I tried. '_She came_.' The brief flash of happiness that the thought envoked was swiftly followed by a sharp fear that Jen hadn't stayed. It had taken her all of two seconds after she had arrived before she ran for the door again. What would she do after being left alone for the night with all of her doubts? The dull throb of my heart sounded in my ears as I let myself think about what it would mean if she had gone. Was there anywhere we could go from there?

'_Yes.'_ I reasoned determindly. Operation 'get Jen to see how good we could be together' was still a go.

'_God, I need a better bloody name for that.' I_ grinned into the half light of the bedroom.

If anything it gave me more hope than I had before. Jen might be _telling_ me it could never happen, but her actions told me the opposite. _She_ followed me.

My phone lit up on the nightstand indicating that I had a message and I wondered briefly as I reached for it what other nutter was up at the arse crack of the day like me.

**Beautiful morning down at the harbour for the early riser. Still fancy being my tour guide? Jen x**

I flopped back onto the bed with a small squeal of delight. I quickly checked the time on my phone and wasn't surprised to see that it was just after five am. Seems Jen couldn't sleep either. I scooted to the edge of the bed and swung my legs to the floor. I suppose I could have stayed in bed for another hour or so, letting myself think about all the ways that this could be a bad idea, but right now Jen wanted to spend time with me and I couldn't think of a better way to spend the day. I've never gotten out of a bed so fast.

It took me all of ten minutes to get myself washed, dressed and to scribble a quick note for Maddie, explaining that I was going off to explore for a while and that she shouldn't worry if I was gone for the whole day. I didn't know what Jen had planned, but I wanted to be sure that I was free to spend as much time as I could with her.

Maddie would be pissed off, but to be honest, when was she not?

* * *

"What kind of thing are you looking for?" I gestured to the camera hanging loosely from Jen's wrist.

"Ahh," She blew out a quick breath and rolled her eyes self-conciously. "I'm never really sure."

"Oh, well that narrows it down." I teased, smirking as I ducked Jen's answering attempt to ruffle my hair.

"You're not funny." Jen pouted, bending down to pick her large black leather bag up from the floor and hitching it high onto her shoulder.

"C'mon...I'm a little bit funny." I nudged Jen playfully with my elbow, smiling widely as the pout deepened leaving cute little dimples in her cheeks. I fell into step beside her as we walked slowly along the edge of the water.

It had been around five thirty by the time I had made it down to the harbour. Jen had been waiting, her legs slung over the side of the this concrete jetty that followed the edge of one half of the harbour, curving its way out to sea. She smiled hesitantly when she saw me, as if she was unsure about my reasons for showing up. I wanted to laugh at that. Did she really think I would go scampering around the seaside in the early hours just to tell someone to piss off? Jesus, that's what texts were invented for.

It was now closer to six thirty as we strolled slowly around the small harbour, neither of us broaching the subject of Jen's arrival in Abersoch yesterday. We had talked about the recent turn in the weather, the beautiful views, topics that I knew from experience only came up when you were avoiding talking about something.

We continued walking for a few minutes in silence before Jen spoke hesitantly, "I used to look for specific scenes," She held the camera in both hands, fiddling with the strap. "but then, I started to realise it was the unexpected things that turned out to be the most beautiful."

I smiled.

She could have been talking about us, about this strange situation we found ourselves in. I wanted to believe that maybe, subconsciously she was.

"Funny how that happens, isn't it?" I said softly, taking a chance and deliberately grazing Jen's hand with the backs of my fingers as we walked.

Jen looked startled and for a second I thought that I had pushed too far, too soon.

"Crazy." She answered softly, letting out a shaky breath and smiling at me shyly, stilling all my doubts.

* * *

"...and that's where Neil was tied up and left for the night." I pointed to the large iron anchor, set on the cobbled stone. I glanced over at Jen, quiet and unreadable behind her dark glasses.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Jen." I bit my lip, embarrassed by my own lack of sense. "I'm meant to be showing you around so you can take some pictures, not just pointing out places where my friends have done something idiotic." I thought for a second. "Which, is actually _waaayy_ more places than I thought."

Jen laughed, lifting her glasses up and resting them on her head. "Tilly, don't worry about it. I like it."

We sat down on a low stone wall; the mid-morning sun had shone on the large grey bricks so they warmed the backs of our short covered legs.

"Honestly." She said a few minutes later, when I still looked doubtful. "I've been too caught up in school recently, too wrapped up in thinking about what I should...and shouldn't be doing."

From the look Jen shot my way when she said it, I could tell that I was one of the things that she thought she shouldn't be doing, and part of me wanted to scream out loud that I wouldn't mind being one of the things she was doing. Not one little bit.

"Its nice, to not be so serious." Jen with a smile, cutting into my internal ramblings. She placed a hand on my shoulder and I could feel the heat of it through the thin material of my t-shirt, making my pulse race.

_'Nope...definitely wouldn't mind at all.'_

I immediately squashed the thought, and then regretted that reaction.

What the hell was I doing? I'd been so happy that she had wanted to see me, I hadn't really thought about what it meant. I was fumbling around in the dark here, worried about saying the wrong thing or even _thinking_ the wrong thing for God's sake...making the wrong move and scaring her away again. Well, my Gran always said that there's a time to stand back and do nothing, and a time to throw caution to the wind and just fucking go for it.

She could swear like a trooper my Gran.

"Ok, here's the thing." I pulled one leg up and swung it over the wall so that I straddled it. "I'm going to kiss you...and you're going to let me."

Jen blinked once at the abrupt change of subject but her expression remained the same, making it difficult to tell what she was thinking. Her knuckles had turned white as her hold on the edges of the brick tightened and I thanked her silently once again for teaching me just how much your hands could give away about what you're really feeling.

Whatever her inner feelings Jen recovered quickly, she quirked one eyebrow upwards and murmured softly, "Is that right? And why would I do that?" She let her gaze travel slowly down to my lips and I felt an answering shiver down my spine.

"Lots of reasons." I replied with a confidence that I didn't feel.

"Hmm...such as?" She played along.

I arched one eyebrow. "Do you want the whole list?"

"Sure. Why not?" She shrugged.

"Because you want to.." I began, holding up the thumb of my left hand to start the count.

"Obvious." Jen cut in before I could move on, nodding her head in acknowledgment of my statement and then promptly shrugged again. "But inconclusive."

I rolled my eyes and carried on. "Because, I'm the one that you text at five in the morning."

"The only one that you know of." Jen mumbled under her breath, just loud enough for me to hear and then pressed her lips together to keep herself from laughing at the frown that appeared on my face.

"Hey!" I squeaked indignantly.

Jen resolve broke and she laughed out loud. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you are definitely the only person I text at five in the morning..." She held up her hands. "...today."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Ok...now you're just being mean."

Jen laughed again. "I'm sorry...really. Go on with what you were saying."

I scowled at her for a few more seconds. Jen was obviously trying to play this off as a joke. Well, fuck that.

_'Ok, time for a shot of honesty.'_

"Because, kissing you is all I ever want to do..." I let the words hang in the air, waiting until Jen's startled eyes met mine before continuing. I wanted her to look at me, _really_ look at me while I said what I had to say.

"Because it's like exhilaration and chaos...and then just pure fucking stillness all at the same time..." The words just tumbled out now as I gained momentum. I really had nothing to lose. "...and if you feel even _half_ of what I feel when we kiss..."

The next thing I knew Jen's hand slid around the back of my neck, pulling me into a searing kiss that stole the words from my throat, muffling them against her demanding lips.

I pulled back from the kiss a little, leaving my hand still cupped loosely on Jen's neck, my thumb stroking softly over her jaw. I wasn't ready to lose contact just yet.

"Because?" I asked when my breathing returned to normal.

Jen grinned. "Because, you talk too much."

"Oh." I pulled her forward until her forehead rested against mine. "Good reason."

* * *

We walked past the edge of town, out to where the dunes rose up and hid the beach until the very last second when you crested over them. It was far enough away to keep the number of visitors to a minimum, and right now we had the place to ourselves.

"So, what now?" I questioned, wanting to let Jen set the pace. After all the chasing I had done I needed her to be on the same page as me this time around.

"Do you fancy a swim?" Jen asked, inclining her head out to the water.

I wrinkled up my nose. "What, in there?" I said incredulously. I could feel the goosebumps rising on my arm at just the thought of it. We might be in the middle of a heatwave, but the water temperature would hardly have changed that much.

"Well..." Jen grinned mischievously at me as she stood up. "...if you're too chicken." She unbuttoned the top button from her shirt as she backed away from me, kicking off her flip flops as she turned and sprinted down the sand. Her shirt followed shortly after, floating across the the beach as she tossed it away with abandon.

I stared after her in shock for a few seconds, before a slow smile spread across my face.

_'Ok...Miss Gilmore has a little wild streak.' _

I suppose I already knew that. Though here, she looked like that carefree woman I had met months ago. The one that pushed my buttons and made me a little crazy. The one that swept me away to the beach and kissed me so impetuously on the sand. She was so different back in Hollyoaks, more the responsible person that being a teacher required and deep down I understood why she had to be that way.

But, I'd been searching for glimpses of _my_ Jen ever since.

Down by the shore Jen squealed as she waded into the shallows and the cold water hit her bare legs.

"Fuck! That's cold." She cried, determinedly pushing deeper.

I laughed and called out to her. "Then come out."

Jen turned, covering her chest with her arms. "No. You come in."

"Out."

"In." Jen crooked her finger.

"Out!"

"Shake it all about?"

"If you like." I dared, raising my eyebrows.

"Cheeky!" Jen laughed. "Then you _definitely_ have to come in for that."

I looked at Jen, trying to gauge how serious she was. After a few seconds, I realised that it didn't matter whether she was serious or not, there was no way I was going to pass up this opportunity. I dumped my bag on the sand and sprinted down to the sea.

Jen laughed at me when I shrieked as I entered the water. She dropped one hand from her chest, using it to scoop up some of the water and spray it towards me.

"Might as well get really wet now." She smirked and turned, diving in head first and swimming away from me.

"You're going to pay for that." I spluttered, wiping the drops from my eyes.

Jen carried on swimming and called brightly over her shoulder. "I'm counting on it."

I grinned stupidly.

God, I'd really missed her.

* * *

We rushed back up the sand to our stuff, shivering from the coldness of the water. Jen rummaged around in her oversized bag, pulled out a towel and handed it to me before reaching back in to grab another one for herself.

"Oh, Tilly. You're freezing!" Jen said when she straightened up and looked at me.

"O...Of course I a...am." I stammered, trying to stop my teeth from chattering. "That w..water was c..cold."

Jen stepped closer and pulled the edges of my towel tighter around me before rubbing her hands swiftly up and down my arms.

"Shit, I'm sorry." She said with a frown.

"Don't be. I'm not...and I'm definitely getting warmer now." I waited until Jen's eyes met mine and then waggled my eyebrows suggestively.

Jen's hands stilled, she dropped her eyes and cleared her throat. I worried for a moment that she was regretting this already, that it was time for another, 'Tilly, we can't do this.' speech, but she simply tugged at the towel and wrapped her arms around me.

"How about now?" The words were said quietly in my ear.

I dropped my head onto her shoulder and brought my hands up to her towel covered waist. "Mmmm...even better." I sighed.

* * *

We were stretched out on the sand, Jen with her back resting up against a sand dune and me by her side, my head nestled on her shoulder.

"Tilly?" Jen tapped me gently on the side of the head and I glanced up.

"Thanks, for today." She said, looking down at me with a wide smile. It dimmed a little as something seemed to occur to her. "Oh...do you have anywhere you need to be? I don't want to keep you from your friends."

I thought about the guys back at the house. It was getting on into the afternoon now. Would they be missing me yet? Wondering where I'd got to? Maddie probably would. I knew that I would have to face a grilling from the blonde when I eventually showed up, but I couldn't bring myself to leave just yet. I didn't want to lose this feeling. I hadn't been this happy in weeks.

Hell, I'd never been this happy.

I shrugged off Jen's question with a grin. "Nope. Nowhere to be."

"Good."

"Good?" I asked hopefully.

"I wasn't ready to let you go _just_ yet." Jen replied.

I closed my eyes and sighed contentedly, settling my head back onto Jen's shoulder. She began gently stroking her fingers through my hair and I let myself relax into the touch.

"It could always be like this, you know." I kept my eyes closed for a second, only carefully opening one eyelid when Jen remained quiet. She seemed lost in thought, her eyes focused somewhere out on the water. I reached up and let my fingers graze her wrist while it rested by the side of my head.

The light touch brought her back from wherever her thoughts had taken her and Jen smiled down at me fondly.

"Well, I suspect we'll have to wear clothes again at some point..." She murmured, lifting her hand and brushing her thumb gently over the furrow that had formed between my eyes at her words. "...but I see what you mean." She conceded.

"We would have to be so careful though, Tilly."

"Careful, is my middle name." I said seriously, sitting up and turning to face her.

Jen arched an eyebrow skeptically.

"Ok, obviously it's not." I admitted somewhat pointlessly, causing Jen to roll her eyes and laugh. "But, it might as well be. I'm super careful. More careful than the carefullest thing in the careful shop."

Jen shook her head and laughed. "You're crazy."

"I'm careful." I corrected as I lay back down, grinning widely along with her.

* * *

Jen dropped me at the corner a few hundreds yards from the house so that there was less chance of us being seen together; she kept the roof up on the jeep to give us that extra privacy as we sat for a few minutes saying goodbye.

"Can I see you later?" Jen asked shyly, her eyes not quite meeting mine.

I loved this side to her. It wasn't something she let others see too often, I don't think she let herself be vulnerable around people. It just made it even more special when she showed this side of herself to me.

I had purposefully not brought up the subject of when we were going to see each other again. In all the time we had been apart I'd realised that every time I pushed Jen or she felt cornered, she ran like hell in the opposite direction. It was her default setting. I knew Jen wanted to be with me, she had done and said more than enough for me to be certain of that, turning up in Abersoch being a prime example, but she was still struggling with herself.

I may have spilled my heart out a little earlier when I told her what it felt like to kiss her, but I could only put myself out on the line so much. The only real way to make sure Jen didn't have any regrets later was to let her set the pace from here.

"I'd like that." I said as casually as I could. "What did you have in mind?"

"Oh...er nothing much. I'm staying at a hotel in town. I...I thought maybe you could come over?" Jen glanced over at me, her fingers flexing anxiously on the steering wheel.

I smiled at the uncharacteristic behaviour. "Are you blushing?" I asked knowingly.

"No." Jen denied, her eyes dropping.

I twisted in my seat so that I was facing her and leant back against the door. "I think you are."

"I am not." Jen brought her hands up to her cheeks. "It's the heat."

I bit the inside of my cheek and made a point of looking sideways at the air conditioning, which was running full blast.

"Okey dokey then." I said, my tone making it clear that I didn't believe a word she said.

"Shut up." Jen muttered, but she was smiling

I grinned back and after only a second of indecision, reached across and lifted her hand from the steering wheel, pulling it into my lap. "I'd love to come over." I answered her earlier question.

Jen's smile grew and she nodded, her fingers tightening reflexively around mine.

"I should go." I said regretfully, hating the thought.

Jen nodded once more, pulling her hand back and using it to tuck a strand of hair behind her ears. "Ok. I'll text you later...about tonight."

"Ok." I leaned over to reach into the back seat and retrieve my bag, the action bringing me closer to Jen.

As I pulled back Jen lifted a hand and cupped my cheek, letting her thumb trace slowly across my lips and I had to resist the urge to fling myself across the seat and kiss her senseless, whether we were in public or not. I settled for placing a quick kiss on her thumb as it grazed my lower lip, smiling in satisfaction as Jen's breathing hitched at the soft contact.

"See you later, Tilly." She breathed as she let her hand fall away.

"Bye." I forced myself to open the door and step out onto the street with a sigh.

Holy fuck, that woman did things to me.

I grinned to myself, thinking that if I played my cards right tonight...I might get to do things to her too.

With one last smile and a wave, I watched from behind my sunglasses as Jen pulled away from the curb before setting off. I swung my bag in my hand, grinning stupidly as I walked the short distance back to the house. I'd hoped that I could make it quietly to my room to freshen up before I faced everyone but the second I pushed open the front door I knew that was out of the question. Three heads swivelled in my direction.

"Where the bloody hell have you been?" Maddie said in place of a greeting. She stood alone in the kitchen, one hand on her hip and a very pissed off expression on her face.

"Erm...hi Mads." I stalled, trying to assess just how much covering this was going to take. Judging from the daggers I could feel coming from Sinead in the living room, I reckoned quite a bit. "I just did a bit of exploring, spent some time walking around...er...didn't you get the note?"

Maddie brushed the question aside with a swipe of her hand. "You walked around? All day? Alone?" Maddie's eyes narrowed as she watched me intently.

I shrugged casually, or what I hoped looked casually. "Yeah."

"Fucks sake, Tilly." Maddie swore and started to pace. "Even Bart was worried."

Bart glanced up in surprise, his dark, enlarged pupils making it pretty obvious that he didn't really care much about anything at the moment. "Er...yeah. Totally shitting ourselves." He muttered, wincing painfully as Sinead leaned across from her chair and smacked him around the back of his head. "Fucking hell, Sinead. What did you do that for?" He whined, rubbing the spot vigorously.

Sinead sat back and crossed her arms, levelling him with her best glare. "Because it's not funny, Bart. Anything could have happened to her." Sinead replied sharply, swivelling her head so that her dark look was now settled firmly on me. "We nearly called the police."

'_Oh, come on!' _I wanted to laugh. I was only gone for a few hours, hardly a reason to call out the police dogs.

I opened my mouth to speak but Bart saved me from answering, jumping in sarcastically, "Oh yeah? And tell them what? _Help! me friends gone off for the day and left a note telling us that's exactly what she was doing!'_ Bart flicked imaginary hair over his shoulder as he finished what was actually a pretty good impression of Sinead's accent. "That would have gone down really well, wouldn't it?"

A quick look at Sinead's face confirmed that it was time for me to take control the conversation, she had turned a disturbing shade of red and even Bart had the good sense to move further down the sofa out of range.

"Guys...I'm sorry you were worried, but I did leave a note and you know...you could have called." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and held it up.

Maddie's expression hardened even more as Sinead scoffed mirthlessly, clapping her hands together. "Well, why didn't we think of that, ey? What a brilliant fuckin idea!"

I looked at the phone and bit my lip in embarrassment as I read the display.

_12 missed calls_.

"Oh...oops." I laughed sheepishly. "Must have had it on silent."

"I really am sorry." I said remorsefully, crossing the kitchen and standing in front of Maddie.

"Maybe she just wanted to get away for a bit, have some space." Bart grumbled, not needing to add the words we could all tell he was thinking. _'From you two.'_

"Oh yeah? That what you want to do is it, Bart?" Sinead stood up. "Well, you can have all the space you need. Cos you ain't sleeping in our room tonight." She turned quickly with a flick of her hair and stormed off down the corridor.

Bart wasn't far behind, apologising as he trailed at her heels. "Aww come on. That's not what I meant babe."

I winced as a door slammed down the hall.

"Maddie...I'm sorry." I started, turning to my friend.

Maddie waved away the apology, all of her anger seeming to have dissipated. "I was worried about you, Tills." She said quietly, pulling me into a hug.

I felt awful. But what could I say? Any excuses I gave her now would just be more lies and I would have to tell enough of those in the coming weeks as it was.

I hugged Maddie a little tighter, choosing simply to stick with the facts. "I'm fine, honestly."

Maddie gave me one last squeeze and let me go. "Then that's all that matters."

* * *

An hour or so later I was curled up on the sofa, mindlessly watching a quiz show when my phone beeped in my pocket. I fished it out, smiling when I saw the name attached to the text.

**'I know it's only been a couple of hours...but I miss you. Looking forward to tonight. xx'**

**'**_Oh Jen.' _You really go straight for the heart, don't you?

Before I could type in a reply Maddie wandered into the living room and hopped onto the sofa. I carefully put my phone away, mindful of Maddie's tendency to be nosy. I would have to text Jen back later.

"Is Sinead still mad at Bart?" I frowned and nodded down the hall.

Maddie smirked. "Sinead's always mad at Bart about something, Tills. It's like a constant of the universe."

That was true. Barely a day went by without Sinead wanting to kill him over something. But, I still felt terrible that I was the one they were fighting about.

Maddie gave my knee a gentle squeeze, picking up on how I was feeling. "Seriously...don't worry. Today it's you, tomorrow it'll be because he forgot to pick up his pants." She said, trying to reassure me.

I smiled back, but I still felt the weight of my guilt. Even more so now that Maddie trying to console me. I felt awful about having to lie to her about where I had been all day, though I knew it was the price I had to pay for a chance at a real relationship with Jen.

Maddie didn't trust easily. She was all sharp edges and thorns to keep people at a distance. I'd seen her in action enough times to know that she pushed and she pushed until most people walked away. It was a defence mechanism; if you don't let anyone close they can't hurt you, right? Can't tune out, like her parents had.

I knew that a secret like this would be hard for her to forgive. Nevertheless, it was one I had to keep.

I smiled weakly. "Thanks, Maddie."

"Think nothing of it." Maddie sighed with a dramatic flair and then bumped my shoulder with a grin. "So what's the plan for tonight?"

"Oh...er..I dunno, Mads." I shrugged. "I'm actually pretty tired. I was just going to stay in, have an early night. You guy's go on without me."

"Oh no, no way!" Maddie cried and I jumped slightly at the sudden outburst. "We came here to have a good time, not sit round in our pajama's watching University fucking Challenge!" Maddie stood up and crossed the room, angrily jabbing at the off button on the tv. Part of me wanted to tell her that she had been sitting next to the remote but I guessed that it wouldn't have been the smartest move right now. Maddie was on a roll.

"You've been missing for the whole day.." Maddie poked one finger in my direction and again, I held my tongue when I could have pointed out that I hadn't been 'missing' at all. I knew exactly where I was the whole time.

_'With Jen_.' Just the thought of her brought a smile to my lips and I quickly smothered it with my hand. The last thing I wanted was Maddie to think that I was laughing at her, I was in enough trouble.

But I needn't have worried, Maddie was still checking off her list of all the things that had gone wrong on this holiday. "...those two have been fighting since the second we got here. And don't even get me started on the fact that _Esther_ somehow got herself invited on this trip." Maddie threw up her hands. "The whole thing is turning into a nightmare."

"Come on, Maddie. It's not that bad." I tried to appease her. "We have plenty of time, you know. We only got here yesterday."

"Fine. Stay in." Maddie said calmly, instantly making me wary. Maddie didn't back down, not this easily anyway.

What was going on in that pretty little head of hers?

"In fact, we'll all stay in." She plucked her phone from her pocket. "I'll invite some people round and we'll have a party."

Well that answered that question.

"Maddie." My voice was suspiciously close to a whine. "A party?"

Maddie shook her head. "We're doing this. It's not like you have anywhere else to be, is it?"

She had a point there. As far as she was concerned I didn't have anywhere to be. There was no way that I would be able to play off disappearing for the night, the others were already suspicious from earlier. I rubbed at my temple. As much as I hated the thought, I would have to to rearrange my plans with Jen.

"Fine." I grumbled, heading off towards my room. I tugged my phone out of my pocket as I went, intending on calling Jen to cancel.

Maddie caught up with me in the hall, plucking the device out of my hands as I scrolled through the phonebook.

"And no phones. This party is a no phone zone." Maddie said decisively.

"_What_? No." I spluttered, reaching to get it back. "Maddie, be serious."

Maddie held it behind her back, fending off my hands as I tried to retrieve it. "I mean it, Tilly. You, me, Bart and Sinead, none of us are going to spend the night tapping away on our phones."

Maddie turned her back on me, fiddling with my phone. She swung back a few seconds later and handed it back to me, minus the battery.

"We're gonna meet some new people...and you..." She tapped the end of my nose with the battery, pulling it back swiftly when I made a grab for it. "Ah ah...you my darling, are actually going to talk to some of them. Maybe even a _girl_." She finished in a stage whisper.

I stared at her in disbelief.

"You'll thank me for this later." She assured me with a sly half grin as she opened the door to her room.

I recovered my powers of speech too late and could only call out ineffectually to the closed door. "Don't bet on it, Maddie!"

_'What just happened?'_ I stared down at the useless phone clutched tightly in my hand. Five minutes ago I was on top of the world, looking forward to a night with Jen...and now.

I wandered through the house to the back door and stepped out onto the deck. I thought of Jen, alone in a hotel room somewhere, in my head wearing not much more than a smile and waiting for me.

I wanted to scream.

_'Ah well, sometimes you should just go with your instincts_' I thought, tipping my head back and yelling out at the cloudless sky.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

A middle aged woman walking her small dog across the sand stopped in her tracks and glared up at me. "Tsk...well I never!" She complained haughtily, and even the dog looked disgusted with me.

"No...I bet you haven't." I shot back, in no mood to be polite.

The woman huffed, offended, and yanked the dogs lead, dragging it off down the beach.

_'Ok...think, think.'_ I tried frantically to come up with a solution.

No mobile phone, ok, that's not the end of the world. People communicated before they were invented, it's not that hard. What did they use? Smoke signals? Carrier pigeon?

Payphone!

Of course. I'll just find a payphone, call Jen and explain. That will work.

'_Crap_!' I sighed. If I'd memorised Jen's number...that would totally work.

Jen was just starting to come around and we'd made so much progress today. What would happen to all of that if I didn't show up tonight?

It's not like I could sneak out of the party either and go to her, I had no clue where Jen was staying. She was going to text me with the details later. Somehow, I don't think it would go down too well if I just wandered around town screaming her name at the top of my lungs.

I sat down on one of the sun loungers dotted around the deck and scrubbed my face with both hands. This was how it was going to be from now on wasn't it? Lying to the people I care about, living a double life and getting myself into stupid predicaments like this. Was it really worth it for a relationship that for the foreseeable future, would have stay in the shadows?

I thought about the day I'd just spent with Jen, how fucking amazing it felt to be with her.

_'Yeah...totally worth it.'_ I thought with a huge smile.

Now if I could just figure out a way to let her know about tonight...life would be perfect.


End file.
